A woman needs a man. Or is it, a fish needs a bicycle? Or maybe it's a man on a bicycle is a fish...??

I always thought it was a stupid feminist one liner.  

Even in my most heady feminist days of attending university courses on Woman & Gender Studies, Feminism in the 21st Century, Gender & Sexual Equality - yes I really did attend such courses in my youthful, enthusiastic, 'young woman' days; but back then when so immersed in taking a self-righteous, feminine empowerment stand I never really believed or was stricken with the desire of discarding the opposite sex just to prove my ability of self-sustainment.

Yes, I knew I could;  but why would I want to? There were too many benefits in having them around.  But would never confess that to my study mates.

 

The fish/bicycle witicism was used so often in those heady wave of feminist days ...  'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle'.

I can't remember who was credited for coming out with the statement.  Gloria Steinman?  Florynce Kennedy?  Germain Greer?  Anyone know?

There was the other phrase that was quoted at the same time, 'Why did God make Adam before Eve?  Because he needed a rough draft before making the final copy.'  

These phrases, or witticisms were celebrated as a great one liners to let men know how superfluous they really were in a woman's life and to remind them that a woman could live her life perfectly well without a man, and how men should remember that, at all times.  

Yeah, well, that may be the case for many a woman - but for one who is still living the void of having lost a great man, my own special guppy who could really ride a bicycle, at this very moment in time, this Sunday evening of 14 January 2018, those sayings are pure platitudinous. 

At this moment in time I am feeling anything but feminist;  I am unashamedly weak, vulnerable and pathetic, and wishing I had my man back, well, any man back, to look to, to lean on and be all the more pathetic with.

I am exhausted.  Dead tired.  Stuffed.  Knackered. Worn out. Weary.  Drained.  Ready to drop. Wasted. Sapped.

I sit here on couch, feet up on footstool, bowl of unhealthy crisps on one side of me (which will no doubt end up being my unsustainable evening repast), a glass of Rose on the other (to hydrate whilst dehydrating me), and don't think I'll move until I wake up in this same spot sometime early tomorrow morning.

Yes, I know, some will say, 'But you've just had a couple of glorious weeks holiday - in the summer sun, in the North, and far North - you've been carefree, time free, commitment free, people free. You've had wonderful days exploring new places, new faces; yet reliving and revisiting all your old and favourite places, the sun, the sunrises, the sunsets, the sunny days at the beaches, in the forests, on the coast. And now you say you're exhausted!?  And need a man!?'

Yes, yes, yes.  I have weakened.  I confess to being vulnerable right at this moment.  I certainly have had a couple of wonderful weeks away, with some amazing and incredibly memorable times both with friends and on my own in my own time, at leisure, without .... needing a man.

But then today I returned home, to my charming retreat in Taupo. The home that I love more and more the longer I live here.  And it was the coming home that made me realise - I need a man!

Because.

Because it's the arrival, the actual returning home, after two weeks away that has proven most laborious, burdensome, onerous and exhausting.

Pulling into my driveway had me sigh, face reality and recall how bloody useful Mr J was in times like this; how nothing was a bother to him, how physical work and working together at whatever needed doing was fun for him.  More specifically, how well he worked to make my load lighter.  

But, he's ain't here, hasn't been for five years and in that five years I've striven on, on my own, determined to not have anyone think I could not possibly survive without a man.  Or determined to tell myself, I need a man as a fish needs a bicycle.

Until today, I think, I succeeded.  

But now I slouch here as a total failure.  

No longer staunch.  For this moment I feel the useless one.  Today I thought, I need a man. Why?

Why do I need a man?  

I need as man because:

-  Yes, I've had 2 weeks holiday.

-  But, I've come back home and have to:

                - unload bikes off the car and store away.

                - unhook bike racks and store away

                - unload everything in the car, which includes,

                                - cases, boxes, bags, chilly bins, back packs, cartons of left over foods, clothes, cat, cat gear... all taking a myriad of time and steps from car to in house, up the stairs, in that room, in this room, in kitchen, in the laundry, in the garage or in the yard.

- Then I have to empty out all the above and put all of the above away.

- Then sort and wash what needs washing.

- Then clean, vacuum, wash the now filthy, weather grimed car.

- Then there is the now overgrown and ghastly stalky long lawns, that I have to mow, trim and edge, because there is no one else to do them.

- Then the gardens have gone berserk, so I have to get around to:

                - chopping back and pruning the now overgrown shrubs, trees, grapevine - hours of labouring work.

- Then the weeding.

- Then there is all the debris of dead leaves and branches and weeds that have collected all over the yard for the past two weeks of weathering - and the piles in front of the back door, the front door, the side door, the other side door... the garage door... the shed ... the carport

- Then inside the house have to clean up the debris and stains of previous stalked, killed and munched tweety birds that one's own cat decided to catch, bring inside and deposit for me prior to my going on holiday  .... Mr J was so good at taking on that particular task...

- Then I have to clean up the dead bugs that always seem to collect inside the house when it has been left empty for a couple of weeks; earwigs, crickets, moths, grasshoppers, ants, midges, spiders and those other things that look scarily like upturned cockroaches !!

- Then once all that is done there is the now sad display of the 2017 Christmas tree and decorations to be disassembled, sorted and ready for packing away for the next eleven months.  But that means going out to the garage loft and pulling down all the various boxes that so much of that crap has to be returned to, then put back up into storage in the loft - just climbing up there is an effort, let alone humping and dumping the boxes up and down.

- Then after that the mail reminds me there are bills that have come in over the past 3 weeks that need attending to and paying (argh), or otherwise I shall find myself without power, or water, or whatever other essential I rely on for my daily existence.

- And I now have to chill my own wine, cook my own meal (hence the potato crisps).

- And would so dearly love to have that man on a bicycle, or any man or fish on a bicycle, rub my shoulders, caress my neck, massage my weary feet... hands, legs and whatever else one could be coerced into kneading, soothing or stroking.

It behooves me to admit - that even after five years this woman is as useless without her man as a fish is without a bicycle.   

And a fish IS useless without a bicycle, I know, because I read recently that:

1. Science has proven that climate change is harming the oceans.

2. That carbon-dioxide-caused climate change is partly the result of too many gas guzzling motor cars and trucks.

3. Fish live in the ocean.

4. Bicycles emit no carbon-dioxide.

5. Therefore:  more bikes and less cars would be good for fish.

6.  Therefore - FISH REALLY DO NEED BICYCLES!

And today I could have done with a man!

Tomorrow I will repent.